If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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