I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
