No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
