True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
