My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
