sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
there is glitter all over my balls
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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