I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
