My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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