I skipped work to stalk him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
