I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize