Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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