Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
