what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
