oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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