your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize