there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
