Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
