Do you still have your period?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found puke in my bra..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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