At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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