I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
