Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
