I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
