Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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