I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
