and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
