I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
tell me about the fingering
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