so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
