Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
