is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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