Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
