i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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