glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
