2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
