Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
