We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
