I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
