The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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