who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
