My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I died a long time ago.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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