I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
