take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want to make out with him forever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
