I can tuck mytits in my pants
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i've created a new STD.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
