she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
