Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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