hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
