my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
