mondays should just be called national damage control day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
