Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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