It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
