It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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