dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
