so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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