I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
