I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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