hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
