I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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