Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
