You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
