32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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