Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
