I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
