Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize