So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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