She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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