Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
