I can tuck mytits in my pants
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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