nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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