Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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