Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
