I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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